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Sep. 26th, 2005 09:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cryowizardNever let us forget our roots. Are yours planted in the country? (Without the Courtesy of) Jeff Foxworthy offers some hints:
Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow. But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.
You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
Your family tree has no forks.
You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
You hooked up with your present girlfriend as a result of a message on the wall of the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop.
You've ever had to scratch your sisters name out of a message that begins, "For a good time time call..."
Your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on the back.
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
You think a stock tip is advice on worming' your hogs.
If you can burp and say your name at the same time, you're shur'nuff a redneck.
You think Possum is "The Other White Meat"
You think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph.
You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
The centerpiece on your dining room table is an original signed work by a famous taxidermist.
You think a quarter horse is a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.
You think there's nothin wrong with incest as long as you keep it in the family.
You may be a Redneck if ... You and your dog use the same tree.
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
You think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.
Your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.
You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
You have more belt-buckles than pants.
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.
You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
The FBI surrounded your trailer park twice so far this year.
You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
Your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.
Anyone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!".
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.
The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
You no longer drink wine ever since the screw cap got caught up your nose.
Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
You've ever come home and found crime scene tape across your front porch.
When you was little, your front yard got toilet papered and your momma thought it was a gift from God.
You may be a redneck if your wife's best coat has the name of a sports team on the back.
Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow. But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.
You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
Your family tree has no forks.
You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
You hooked up with your present girlfriend as a result of a message on the wall of the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop.
You've ever had to scratch your sisters name out of a message that begins, "For a good time time call..."
Your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on the back.
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
You think a stock tip is advice on worming' your hogs.
If you can burp and say your name at the same time, you're shur'nuff a redneck.
You think Possum is "The Other White Meat"
You think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph.
You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
The centerpiece on your dining room table is an original signed work by a famous taxidermist.
You think a quarter horse is a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.
You think there's nothin wrong with incest as long as you keep it in the family.
You may be a Redneck if ... You and your dog use the same tree.
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
You think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.
Your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.
You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
You have more belt-buckles than pants.
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.
You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
The FBI surrounded your trailer park twice so far this year.
You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
Your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.
Anyone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!".
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.
The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
You no longer drink wine ever since the screw cap got caught up your nose.
Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
You've ever come home and found crime scene tape across your front porch.
When you was little, your front yard got toilet papered and your momma thought it was a gift from God.
You may be a redneck if your wife's best coat has the name of a sports team on the back.